You know how when you are homeless, you feel so lonely. I was living in my car. I’m 67 and very fortunate because I am now in social housing. It’s all women here so I feel safe. I can live a normal life being myself without any fear of being attacked. It’s peace of mind. It’s healing, it’s being able to progress. The lotus flower is symbolic of me. It is so beautiful above the water but the root of it is so messy and so ugly. It’s like life, you know you can blossom from difficulties and rise from the ashes.
My mum’s from the country and dad from the city. It was an arranged marriage because my grandmother wanted a country girl. My mum wasn’t keen, but they got together in the end. They had 13 children because my dad’s very ambitious.
We had to do everything from when we were very young, maybe from seven, eight years old. We had to help mum do all the housework and cook meals.
My father had a business. He was a very old fashioned Chinese man. Children were assets because they can help with the family business. So, we all grew up with the business. We were not supposed to go for higher education. I finished my HSC and that’s it. I didn’t go to uni. It’s bad for me to say it, but now I realize it’s some sort of slavery in a sense.
I loved school. I was always in the top 10 in my school for many years. I wanted to go to university. I wanted to be a professor or a lecturer. I loved to learn, and I always wanted to get a degree. But we girls had to be married and serve our husbands. I loved every bit of schooling. I was very active in sports, I was a prefect, class monitor … everything!
We led a very, very sheltered and controlled life. There was a lot of favouritism. I know mum loved all of us, but she will always favour the sons. And so did my dad. The brothers are always judge and jury over the sisters, even though I’m older than them. It was very much, “you can’t do this, can’t do that.” I always put myself down a lot.
I am more the black sheep of the family. I’m the only daughter who moved out. I left, I rented a room and that’s when I met people. I was 28. That’s how I met my then Australian husband. He was in Malaysia looking for property, and we had a child together. He was a good man to start with. He was the managing director of this multinational company but he lost his job when the company was bought out. He was given the boot.
That’s when things went downhill, and he started to drink. We were in trouble because there was no income. We were in a lot of strife. I was so stressed, day and night, that I ended up with cancer. That was 15 years ago. We lost our home.
I was just like a zombie. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to think. Those were anxious and desperate times. You’re by yourself. There’s no family nearby.
I like to read a lot. I like to know about news and all those things about nursing homes. These homes really need an overhaul. A lot of nursing home owners are ripping off the old people and these old people are the ones who need real care. They don’t have compassion. They don’t understand old people’s pain. The old people need understanding, compassion and kindness. And this assault thing is a hundred percent there.
This is why I don’t want a male to come and handle my personal washing. No matter what age you are, I want a female. I don’t like male nurses. I would not want a male to touch me unless he’s a doctor. I do not want male staff to come in and shower me. No way. When they see a woman who is vulnerable, who cannot protect herself, it’s an easy take for them.
You know how when you are homeless, you feel so lonely. I was living in my car. I’m 67 and very fortunate because I am now in social housing. It’s all women here so I feel safe. I am very comfortable; I feel I can live a normal life being myself without any fear of being attacked. It’s peace of mind. It’s healing, it’s being able to progress.
When you close the door behind you, it is your safe space. It is somewhere you can have your own things. I’m alone here – this is my space; this is my comfort zone.
You know what? The mental, emotional thought that you are going to enter a nursing home is the biggest, biggest, biggest challenge for anyone. The way it is today, it’s just a holding cell for the dying. For the living dead. Love and nurturing are not there in any nursing home.
We have sacrificed our whole life to love and care for young ones. When it’s our time to be nurtured and loved and cared for, it’s the humane thing to do to give us some dignity. The lotus flower is symbolic of me. I chose it because it is so beautiful above the water but the root of it is so messy and so ugly. It’s like life, you know you can blossom from difficulties and rise from the ashes.
You might also be interested in:
Peeling prawns, by Melanie From the voices of older women: "Whenever I think about sexual assault I think about my mother and aunties, their hands in shreds as they peeled prawns while the men sat around drinking beer. My cousin’s husband sexually abused me since the age of 11..."
The cost, by Patricia From the voices of older women: "The cost of reporting is very high. What if the carer who she is reliant on is sexually assaulting her? That’s a horrible situation for her to be in. She is crying and tearing her hair out."
The Fog, by Angela From the voices of older women: "Through the fog we recognise there is a human form; but we don’t really care to know too much. We understand she may have suffered. We understand she has loved and created; but we don’t really care. The sharpness is gone. Through the fog…
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